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In the past couple of months, but more specifically within the last week I've had a lot of sudden realizations about myself, particularly my image and how I have portrayed myself to the world and that caused me to finally think critically about myself and how others see me, and this is what led to my decision to change my username here.
Its been a chain reaction of things. First a few months ago it dawned on me that I'm gonna be 30 in July and I realized that I've been alone for so long and have never really tried to put myself out there in the dating world for a number of reasons. First my priorities lied in other stuff - improving my art being the only one that really resulted in anything worthwhile. But the fact I'm gay also made it harder, especially since I never was a club or bar person, and I was shy and insecure and just a general anxious mess from my shitty growing up experiences.
But a little while ago I tried some apps. I never wanted to resort to that but truth be told I was feeling pretty lonley, desperate and depressed. So I went into that with confidence, after all I'm a cool looking guy and I'm sure I'd still be appealing to those even younger than me. But a lack of interest from guys on there told me otherwise and started making me question my appearance.
So, just yesterday I had to find out does the world see me the way I always saw myself. I knew I couldn't ask family, friends or even my dA watchers since they'll all sugarcoat it since none of us want to hurt the feelings of those we care about I needed unbiased honesty so I turned to complete strangers on an "Am I Ugly?" board where people concerned about their appearances go to get, well - wilfully judged and given advice on what to do to improve themselves. I needed a reality check so jumped in with some recent photo's to get real opinions... The results were not pretty.
For starters I can't pass for a "boy" of any kind anymore - my age is showing and I was advised to work with it, not fight against it since I definitely have the look of a man now. I'm also really thin and need to gain weight and work out if I want to have a body that matches my new, more "distinguished" face, since while boys can look great when skinny - men usually don't, can't say I disagree either. My skin is bad, hopefully I can do something about that. My hair was the worst offender to everyone though and was a point of interest in just about every comment - years of bleaching it has made it dry and as one comment put it "mankey" (no, not the Pokemon ) so I might have to spend a while being my natural colour if I want to save it. Everyone suggested a new style too because going for the Final Fantasy look at near 30 is bordering on the desperate. By the time I'm 40 it'll just be plain pathetic
All hard advice to swallow but perfectly justified. I'm not sure if I can even afford the time or money to do all this self improvement stuff to hopefully transform from aging boy who thought he looked good to confident man who actually looks good, especially to other men who aren't creepy old perverts. But just in case I don't I need a new name that wasn't suggestive of my appearance or age. Something simple, original and won't reek of desperation or "former glory days" in the far future (though I sure hope those weren't my glory days!) It's better to change it now than wait another ten years.
Being an artist is about trying new things, not just with your creations but with yourself.
I could still say a lot more but I'll save it for the comments. Any questions about my decision will be answered, any advice on where should I go from here will be considered. Any advice others who might be going through the same thing want from me will be given... to the best of my ability
Its been a chain reaction of things. First a few months ago it dawned on me that I'm gonna be 30 in July and I realized that I've been alone for so long and have never really tried to put myself out there in the dating world for a number of reasons. First my priorities lied in other stuff - improving my art being the only one that really resulted in anything worthwhile. But the fact I'm gay also made it harder, especially since I never was a club or bar person, and I was shy and insecure and just a general anxious mess from my shitty growing up experiences.
But a little while ago I tried some apps. I never wanted to resort to that but truth be told I was feeling pretty lonley, desperate and depressed. So I went into that with confidence, after all I'm a cool looking guy and I'm sure I'd still be appealing to those even younger than me. But a lack of interest from guys on there told me otherwise and started making me question my appearance.
So, just yesterday I had to find out does the world see me the way I always saw myself. I knew I couldn't ask family, friends or even my dA watchers since they'll all sugarcoat it since none of us want to hurt the feelings of those we care about I needed unbiased honesty so I turned to complete strangers on an "Am I Ugly?" board where people concerned about their appearances go to get, well - wilfully judged and given advice on what to do to improve themselves. I needed a reality check so jumped in with some recent photo's to get real opinions... The results were not pretty.
For starters I can't pass for a "boy" of any kind anymore - my age is showing and I was advised to work with it, not fight against it since I definitely have the look of a man now. I'm also really thin and need to gain weight and work out if I want to have a body that matches my new, more "distinguished" face, since while boys can look great when skinny - men usually don't, can't say I disagree either. My skin is bad, hopefully I can do something about that. My hair was the worst offender to everyone though and was a point of interest in just about every comment - years of bleaching it has made it dry and as one comment put it "mankey" (no, not the Pokemon ) so I might have to spend a while being my natural colour if I want to save it. Everyone suggested a new style too because going for the Final Fantasy look at near 30 is bordering on the desperate. By the time I'm 40 it'll just be plain pathetic
All hard advice to swallow but perfectly justified. I'm not sure if I can even afford the time or money to do all this self improvement stuff to hopefully transform from aging boy who thought he looked good to confident man who actually looks good, especially to other men who aren't creepy old perverts. But just in case I don't I need a new name that wasn't suggestive of my appearance or age. Something simple, original and won't reek of desperation or "former glory days" in the far future (though I sure hope those weren't my glory days!) It's better to change it now than wait another ten years.
Being an artist is about trying new things, not just with your creations but with yourself.
I could still say a lot more but I'll save it for the comments. Any questions about my decision will be answered, any advice on where should I go from here will be considered. Any advice others who might be going through the same thing want from me will be given... to the best of my ability
Well I Didn't Win This Time..
But a Daily deviation is a pretty solid runner up prize :trophy:
Thankyou art (https://www.deviantart.com/art) for featuring it, and for providing this string of contests with very interesting themes over the past few months. I'm not in any of the current ones, character design isn't a strong point of mine, but it'll be interesting to see who wins, and what themes might be selected for upcoming contests if any!
I've been slipping in and out of activity for some time and these contests motivating me to put stuff aside to draw something again have probably been a good influence for me. Too busy with work and other crap I'd gladly cut out of my life if I won the lottery
Son of a Beach!
After being elected as one of many fine finalists in the recent Devious Desktops: Warm Vibes competition I had my fingers crossed over the past week thinking about nothing other than what the results would be. This was the first contest I've heard about in ages I was actually interested in theme-wise and one that was also open to all members around the world so I jumped on it right away!
It paid off as I won one of the three winning positions! :excited: It's been years since I won anything here, and even those were smaller scale contests held by individual users or groups. I'm certain this is the first time I ever placed in one of the big on
Switchi'n It Up
So I've pretty much disappeared without an explanation, drip-feeding some time on here into the forums but not much else on the artistic front. Totally out of character for me whose been persistently active on here since I began. But then again out of character probably describes how I feel. Not necessarily in a "bad" way, but in a way that I feel like my priorities and personality are changing after some realizations about many things this year. In some ways it's been a good thing, I feel myself actually having a desire to start doing a little more than sit in front of a computer all day. Wanting friends, company and activity in my life more
A Sexy Birthday
Wow wow I'm 30 now :faint: I've been having mixed feelings about it for months, on one hand I feel pretty bummed out that my 20's are over forever now which seems to be the only age demographic the world still considers fun and cool. On the other hand it has given me a little kick in the bum when it comes to trying to motivate myself to actually be be more fun and cool, since I spent a lot of the past ten years tirelessly working away on my hobbies, most noticeably my art. It's paid off in many ways and kept me busy during a time I didn't really have much else going on, and I definitely want to keep at it. Yet I want to start living a little
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Comments115
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The main thing is to always start the change from inside, from how you feel about yourself. If you don't feel comfortable with yourself, no matter what you do, will be in vain. So, making a few changes and adjusting yourself until YOU feel satisfied with yourself first is the key point. Everything else can be achieved with less effort.
Sexuality doesn't pose a problem nowadays, unless somebody addresses under MAPs (not those of showing streets, mountains and lakes, but those disgusting pedophiles who are trying to get themselves into the LGTBQ+ community by force).
As for taking care of your skin and hair, there are numerous products out there, but just to be safe, I'd suggest you to go to a professional so that he will help you choose the correct type of products that would help you further improve your image. ( I suggest make up if it's for short period of times, but still, you need to take care of your skin afterwards, never use it for way too many hours and always make sure you remove it and take care of your skin's ph afterwards).
All in all, sorry for being 2 months late in noticing this update. I had some serious things undergoing so I wasn't checking pretty much anything. Still, I wish you best of luck and if there's anything I could give you any advice on or help you, let me know.